“I don't love you or accept you.” Those are harsh and hurtful words. Yet they are the silent ideas that come through whenever we react to others with anger, disappointment, annoyance or frustration.

Whenever I catch myself feeling these emotions, it means that somewhere in my consciousness I have decided that another person has fallen short of who I think he or she should be. In that moment, I believe that person isn't okay.

I frequently hear pleas from spiritual leaders, books, songs, friends and videos, encouraging each of us to love others exactly as they are. But when I ask myself if I live my life this way, the answer is sometimes no.

The irony of this situation is that all I really want in life is to be loved. Not loved for who I might be or who I used to be. Not loved when I am easy to love, but loved for who I am all the time. I want people to love my lightness and divinity, and also my shadow side when I am feeling and acting afraid.
 
Have you ever heard these statements: “Can't you do that differently?” or “Why do you think that?” or “Why do you feel that way?” One of the hardest declarations to hear is, “I wish you were more (fill in the blank).”

It is easy to recognize when someone else is not accepting others. But it's much harder to look at myself and see my own intolerant behaviors and attitudes.

When you find yourself reacting with anything other than love, remember the words Jesus said to Peter in John 21:22. Peter is concerned about the man who will betray Jesus. Peter is asking many questions and wondering what will happen. Jesus simply asks him, “What business is it of yours? Come and follow me!”
 
For me, these words speak directly to the heart of a commitment to “live love.” What business is it of mine to worry about what others are doing? If I am disappointed or not satisfied with another person in any way, then I'm not following the path of love. In that moment, I am not loving and accepting the person.

Now don't misunderstand me, living love does not mean I must invite all my relatives over for Sunday dinner. It simply means I have more work to do in learning to really love and accept others, even when it feels uncomfortable.
 
The principle of acceptance is difficult, but it also carries a freedom I have never experienced before. When I notice someone being intolerant, it is a call for me to pay attention to myself. For if I am feeling this way, then I'm not acting with love and acceptance.

The next time you find yourself feeling frustrated, annoyed or impatient say to yourself, “What business is this of mine? Come and follow me!” Use these as “code words” to get on with the business of loving.

Kelly Isola is an ordained Unity minister with a Master's of Divinity from Unity Institute. She is a Certified Peace Worker for the Association of Unity Churches International and a Certified BePeace Trainer.